Do you invite your good friend to your wedding??

[negiqboyz]

Well .. I think the title hinted of what I am about to say next.

I made an earlier post about visiting Vancouver for a day. I called up my college roommate to see if we can meet and catch up since he's a local. Boy, was I in for a big surprise. He suddenly told me that he's getting married next month so has been very busy with the preparation.

We haven't met for over 10 years but we have stay in touch through email and telephone. We were closed buddy .. as least that I what I thought until today. I would expect an invitation even if I can't make it to his wedding or whatever but this ..no notice or nothing and had I not called to chat a bit, I probably wouldn't have known about it at all.



I was obviously pissed off and kinda sad about it; however, I held it up and congratulated him. I figure this is it .. our friendship is out the window. My wife said I am overreacting and should send a gift of some sort. Am I and should I??? It makes sense if I received an invitation and then send a gift or whatever but there was no mentioning at all in our exchanged email and nothing in the slow mail.

[Aoes]

well... u gotta put it in perspective right? if it's a small wedding, there's family, family friends, then the immediate group of friends around him, their s/o, kids, etc...

if it was a huge wedding, yeah sure maybe u can get a lil miffed...

but it's clearly easy to see you're overreacting based on one thing (don't take it personally bro, just sayin)... you wouldn't even be sure you could make his wedding... you said it urself, his life takes a back seat to a lot of other things... you might have been the tightest bros in college... but truth is, ya'll grown apart...

fact is, you are good friends, not close friends... do you even know his fiance? spent time with them since they've been together? you haven't really been a part of his life for the last 10yrs...

[Dan]

Honestly, your wife is right. You are overreacting, and you should send him a gift.

Sending a gift serve two purposes:

1) Tells this friend that you don't hold a grudge about this (even though you may). This shows coolness.
2) Shows that you're the better man, and that you are happy for his sake. If he has any ounce of intelligence OR he truly does think of you as a friend, he's going to feel like shit not inviting you. The ball is now on his court, he owes you, and it is up to you whether you reciprocate the friendship.

But if anything, gifting shows that you're a good man, regardless. If anything at all, be the better man. There is really no need for overreaction and getting your feelings all stirred up as you're experiencing now. What's the point? You'll be the only one who feels shitty. He won't know you're feeling shitty. So be cool about it and let unnecessary overreaction go.

However on the other hand, if this was your best friend, who you would consider a brother, this is a different story.

[wilsonli]

Well you havent meet each other for 10 years, and even though you kept in touch I think your friend not inviting you is quite normal. I´m not married yet but I cannot imagine if I was planning my wedding and I had to invite all the friends that i kept in touch with.

Just send him a gift and your best wishes man...guys shouldnt be this xiu hei（小气)

[ralphrepo]

The flip side of this can be that he never really expected you to be in Vancouver at all; even if you were keeping in touch electronically, you hadn't actually met in a decade. Moreover, you're only looking at it from your point of view, but since you already have a wife, you should be keenly aware that these affairs aren't only about any one person. Let's suppose a few weeks before your wedding, your wife to be suddenly told you that she needed an extra place setting (and cost) for a 'girlfriend' which you don't know and she which hadn't seen for ten years, but now you have to call the caterers at the last minute to add an extra setting; how would you feel? Honestly, it's his and his wife's wedding, and friendship certainly cuts both ways. Don't make it any harder for him. IMHO, if it were me in your shoes, instead of feeling slighted over the lack of an invite, I would genuinely and truly wish for a friend's happiness in one of the most important, and hectic days of his life. Send a gift and do so with sincerity, not through gritted teeth. At the end of the day, you'll feel a lot better about yourself and it will do your soul good

[Dan]

The flip side of this can be that he never really expected you to be in Vancouver at all; even if you were keeping in touch electronically, you hadn't actually met in a decade. Moreover, you're only looking at it from your point of view, but since you have a wife, you should be aware that these affairs aren't about any one person. Suppose a few weeks before your wedding, your wife to be suddenly told you that she needed an extra place (and cost) for a 'girlfriend' which you don't know and she hadn't seen for ten years, and you now have to call the caterers to add an extra setting; how would you feel? It's his and his wife's wedding, and friendship cuts both ways. Don't make it any harder for him. IMHO, if it were me in your shoes, instead of feeling slighted over the lack of an invite, I would genuinely and truly wish for a friend's happiness in one of the most important, and hectic days of his life. Send a gift and do so with sincerity, not through gritted teeth. At the end of the day, you'll feel a lot better about yourself and it will do your soul good

This lol

[negiqboyz]

Well .. apparently, he's not inviting anyone from our circle of friends. There was rumor that he's marrying his cousin and it was out of "age and family responsibility" .. kinda silly but yeah .. he's the only son so his parents are worry as he's hitting the 40 soon.

Anyway .. I am sending the gift since I know about the wedding regardless of the invitation. Just mad .. even though we haven't met up for a decade; we're still talk. After all, we do live quite far from one another and with me juggling with family and work .. impossible to really, really, really in touch with every closed friend. Nevertheless, if we're closed .. distance and time shouldn't change that .. at least I hope .. but I guess for a few .. the relationship does change then.

[suijei]

cousin eh.... O_o

[Jeff]

If he's not inviting anyone from your group of friends, you should few JUST a bit better .

[Dan]

Well .. apparently, he's not inviting anyone from our circle of friends. There was rumor that he's marrying his cousin and it was out of "age and family responsibility" .. kinda silly but yeah .. he's the only son so his parents are worry as he's hitting the 40 soon.

Anyway .. I am sending the gift since I know about the wedding regardless of the invitation. Just mad .. even though we haven't met up for a decade; we're still talk. After all, we do live quite far from one another and with me juggling with family and work .. impossible to really, really, really in touch with every closed friend. Nevertheless, if we're closed .. distance and time shouldn't change that .. at least I hope .. but I guess for a few .. the relationship does change then.

I still don't understand why you're feeling the way you are though... If you put yourself in his shoes, perhaps there is a reason why he couldn't. Until the matter is out and clarified, making assumptions is childish in my opinion.. What I appreciate from good friends, is the benefit of the doubt. I appreciate any friend who gives me the benefit of the doubt, and I return it in favor.

In fact, though it is not the same situation, my best friend is pissed off at me that I couldn't contact him frequently. I have certain issues that I'm having problems with, and yet he's more concerned about himself than the situation I'm going through. The same goes with your friend and you. Instead of it being centered around you, try understanding what your friend is going through before bringing in those unnecessary emotions. Being mad for unconfirmed reasons is stupid. And if this cousin thing is true, all the more reason for you to understand what he's going through.

So give him the benefit of the doubt. Please.

[Hartia]

There are many reasons as everyone has pointed out, even he might of slipped his mind. But its likely he didnt intend to invite many people. Dont hold a grudge against him, cuz in the end you'll be losing out due to impulsive reaction. I like the idea of giving a small gift idk...say some time after the wedding. just to meet the people, but yeah if you keep in touch for 10 years electronically, he would've invited you before then, regardless of distance. Its usually the case where its just been so long, the friendship is a bit subsided due to that. I have a friend from undergrad that we became pretty good friends pretty quickly, but like he went and moved to manitoba for work, so we chat a bit here and there. when he comes back to TO i usually find out later, and just annoys me that we didnt meet up, but i know he has so many other people to catch up with too. Last we chilled found out he's getting ready to propose to his gf, and havent heard any updates since, but i'm happy for him regardless of any invitation or not. You can tell whos a good friend and whos a great friend, just dont expect it from everyone. My bud will always be a friend, its better to have one than to lose one.

[Aoes]

why bring out the dirty laundry... ffs i'm done...

[negiqboyz]

Well .. the reason why I was pissed off was that we chatted and corresponded quite a bit. We talked about everything and I did ask if he was dating the last few times in which he said no. I offered to set him up with people and he didn't turn down the offer; only told me to do so when he has a chance to visit. Anyway, long story short, during our last conversation, he told me he's getting married out of the blue and has been dating this gal for nearly a year.

I don't know what the situation is with him and this gal; but come on, an answer like "yeah, I am dating now. tell you later when it's the one" or something like that .. not a busybody here. If it was someone whom I kept in touch with on and off or not chatted over the phone for a few years .. yeah .. makes sense to be out but we're not ...

Anyway .. I am over it .. we're still friend of course .. just anger there .. but friend is it I guess .. We probably not gonna be in contact as much from now on. I guess ya'll right ... people change with distance .. it's stupid of me to think otherwise. Alrighty .. moving on.

[Jeff]

It's still ok to speak casually occasionally right? Don't need to cut ties to not having to chat with each other again.

[Espresso]

I had a lot of HS/COLLEGE friends that did not invite me to weddings, but then I've been to a wedding where I was the best man for a good friend.

I was in a similar situation, I was not invited to one of my homeboy's friend's wedding. We all did hang out before and knew each other from HS, and I even knew about their wedding. But for my homeboy to not clue me in, and to not get an invitation from his friend was weird. I never looked at him the same way.

For myself though, I would always do it grande. If they don't want to come, they don't, but I will do it the right way and invite those that I feel are important.

[cailini]

overreacting, plain and simple

[Aznmask]

You have the right to be piss. This is not overreact. When ppl say it overreact because it didnt happen to them.

For me personally i would be piss. period.

[ao_xxx]

ofcourse you do. If you don't they don't want to be friends with you any more. Even if you know they can't come to the wedding, you still invite. Give them the opportunity to say NO. Who knows you might even get a free present

[fearless_fx]

There was rumor that he's marrying his cousin

Is this your friend?

[[N]]

starting rumors and shit ahhaha if i was that guy definitely wouldn't invite you outta everyone. Going all sour puss and talking ish behind their backs or in their face once your feelings are hurt lol.

[Tiger King]

Well .. I think the title hinted of what I am about to say next.

I made an earlier post about visiting Vancouver for a day. I called up my college roommate to see if we can meet and catch up since he's a local. Boy, was I in for a big surprise. He suddenly told me that he's getting married next month so has been very busy with the preparation.

We haven't met for over 10 years but we have stay in touch through email and telephone. We were closed buddy .. as least that I what I thought until today. I would expect an invitation even if I can't make it to his wedding or whatever but this ..no notice or nothing and had I not called to chat a bit, I probably wouldn't have known about it at all.

I was obviously pissed off and kinda sad about it; however, I held it up and congratulated him. I figure this is it .. our friendship is out the window. My wife said I am overreacting and should send a gift of some sort. Am I and should I??? It makes sense if I received an invitation and then send a gift or whatever but there was no mentioning at all in our exchanged email and nothing in the slow mail.

If it is a close friend he would have asked you to be apart of his groomsmen... or whatever they are called, but nooooooooo

Not a good friend.

[Xib]

If you were close friends you wouldn't have not met each other for a decade.