Smart-ass Answer #1:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat...she said,
Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Smart-ass Answer #2:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're
Smart-ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid
replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally
stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Smart-ass Answer #4:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads,
Low bridge ahead'. Before he knows it, the bridge
is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up
for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car
and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and
out of gas."
SMART-ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR:
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's
final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and
utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is
restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head,and
sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other