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Thread: What to do?

  1. #1
    Banana
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    What to do?

    If you had plans to go to your fiance's aunt's bday dinner a month ago, but suddenly a week prior you realize that your dad's 60th birthday is going to be held on the same day because it's the only weekend available and everyone (or at least majority) can make it on that day ... what would you do?



    I can understand that the fiance would be upset because prior arrangements have been made and it seems last minute .. but what am i supposed to do. I cannot control it.

    I also realize that i didn't discuss it and just stated that i cannot go to the aunt's bday dinner, but I'm the son, it's my dad's 60th birthday (which is like a milestone). I'm torn, i don't want the fiance to have negative feelings towards my parents and vice versa ...

    Like I don't mind if she goes to her aunt's bday dinner and not be present at my dad's, but I have to be at my dad's since i'm the son. Once I finish dinner, i can join them for the rest of the night which I have no problem with .. but .. i don't know ..

    what would you do, how would you react/feel if you were the fiance.

  2. #2
    ~~~
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    You only have 1 dad but u can find another fiance.

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    Ok but seriously..... if im the fiance, of course I'd be pissed since prior arrangements was made. Best is to talk it out with your fiance. Tell her its also your dads party and maybe you two can come up with something neutral.
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  3. #3
    Dan
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    Talk it out with your fiance, and come to a resolution, i.e. She goes to the aunt's birthday, and you go to your dad.

    If your fiance isn't understanding and gets upset over this, there's something seriously wrong with her lol. If my fiance ever gets angry over something like this, I would be royally pissed off at her. One should be understanding of situations like this.

  4. #4
    ...
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    I agree with Dan on the matter, it's your dad! Who is more important than some would be aunt; that other than you having relations with her niece, would mean nothing to you.

  5. #5
    Super FOB
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    60 is one of those milestones you have to celebrate. but anyways, yeah dont ask us, cuz that'll just be keeping your fiance out of the picture, and if she finds out, you made a choice without compromising with her, she'll be more pissed. If she understands, if she really loves you, and an educated person, then she would know how important 60 is....


    no offense

    Edit: combine both

  6. #6
    Dan
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hartia View Post
    60 is one of those milestones you have to celebrate. but anyways, yeah dont ask us, cuz that'll just be keeping your fiance out of the picture, and if she finds out, you made a choice without compromising with her, she'll be more pissed. If she understands, if she really loves you, and an educated person, then she would know how important 60 is....


    no offense

    Edit: combine both
    Also it doesn't matter if it's a milestone, it doesn't matter if it's 57, 59, or 60 or 61, It's your dad's frigging birthday.

  7. #7
    안녕하세요빅뱅K-Dragon입니다
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    what you need to do is just duscuss some options with your fiancee and im sure you 2can work things out where everyone is happy

    T.I "God will take you through hell just to get you to Heaven"

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  8. #8
    Foblet
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dan View Post
    Also it doesn't matter if it's a milestone, it doesn't matter if it's 57, 59, or 60 or 61, It's your dad's frigging birthday.
    I had the same thought.

    Quote Originally Posted by abccba View Post
    I also realize that i didn't discuss it and just stated that i cannot go to the aunt's bday dinner
    As Dan said, it does not matter about the milestone. You need to state out the reason why you cannot go to her aunt's birthday dinner. She may be angry at you for that decision or the situation, but if she put herself in your shoes, she would understand why you will choose/chosen to go to your dad's birthday instead.

  9. #9
    Dan
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    And on the other note, she really has no right to be angry lol.

  10. #10
    Foblet
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    Is there a chance you can go to both? You'll be a hero.

  11. #11
    Fobulous
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    split the time across both
    i'm sure that can be arranged/organised =)

  12. #12
    Foblet
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    Everyone seems to be looking at this the wrong way......(i'm gonna get hated on this...but oh well!) but i'm just playing devil's advocate.

    Its obvious that you don't love your dad enough to remember his birthday. If you do, when the date was brought up by your fiance, it should've gotten your attention immediately. Obviously it ain't that important. Weren't you involved in helping organize the 60th celebration? I'm sure it take more than a week to organize. Maybe your fiance thinks the same and that's why she's piss. I bet your dad would never forget your birthday.

    Am I being too hard? Sorry....I'm a dad so I'm just thinking how I would feel if my sons didn't remember my birthday.

  13. #13
    Eugooglizer
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    ^

    I suspect that his father's birthday is not the same day of the party and that this was likely not something which was not given a definite date long ahead of time... it sounds like there was no static date for his birthday party until everyone could figure out the best day to make it work. I'm pretty sure he knows his dad's birthday.

    I see no reason why the original poster would be in the wrong here.

    Go to your dad's party and then if possible attend the aunt's. Apologize to the fiance, and apologize to the aunt. Tell her she can do whatever she thinks is best, but she is not obligated to attend your dad's party in the least, as she already had prior plans. If her aunt doesn't understand and makes a huge deal out of it, then fuck her, she's meaningless anyway. If your fiance doesn't understand then maybe this is a sign of some serious future problems in potentia.

    I would never expect someone I was seeing to put my family before their own. As much as we'd like to think that in marriage the families should become one, this is pretty idealistic. As long as that person made a sincere effort to make things work and said they were sorry that things had become so inconvenient then what more is there to be done?

    Tell her the truth. This is a relatively minor issue that involves two of the most important people in your life, your fiance and your father. The aunt is no one in comparison. You're going to the aunt's birthday because you love your fiance and want to make her happy, but loving her can't come at the expense of love for your dad. If you ask her to put herself into your shoes and she says she would feel any different she's lying.

    With Chinese people this shit is always blown out of proportion. Family politics in Asian families can get so ridiculous.
    Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first - Mark Twain

  14. #14
    Foblet
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    Fearless, I can't seem to understand what u r writing and I can't even get to the bottom of your post! Your avatar pic is very distracting! I can't keep my eyes off of it! LOL

  15. #15
    Dan
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    ^ You haven't seen the old PA. Avatars were allowed to be quadruple the size it is now.

  16. #16
    dlj
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    Thanks all for all the replies/suggestions/opinions. All is good and we did manage to work out some schedule to accomodate both.

    My dad's birthday is supposedly today and we were planning something for today, but unfortunately, the majority could not make it today and preferred yesterday since in the end my dad didn't want something grand and just a simple family gathering at home. Hence the reason why my fiance was unhappy with the schedule change.

    So the original idea was to stay for dinner at home and then head to the fiance's aunts dinner, but that also changed and we reversed it since another schedule change occurred. The dinner for the aunt was pushed earlier, so we went to that first instead then went to my dad's dinner and stayed there till the end.

    Things worked out in the end.

  17. #17
    Original V I P
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    don't worry you'll have the rest of the your life for your future wife to have something to be pissed off about..
    Did you enjoy my post as much as it enjoyed you? Please hit the 'Thanks' button and it will call you in the morning...



  18. #18
    Eugooglizer
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    You're such an optimist
    Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first - Mark Twain


 

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